Right. I\u2019ve just typed out a couple of paragraphs bemoaning some of the stupid women who foul up the UK industry by fucking up shoots \u2013 because we\u2019ve had a couple of them in the last fortnight \u2013 but I stopped, held the palm of my hand up in front of me, and said: \u201cNon, Pascal. Your lovely friends are not interested in any of this. Be sunny and bright and share with them all that is golden about your PascalsSubSluts life.\u201d Which is what I\u2019m going to do. So if you’re the idiot woman who pretended to stay in the hotel we booked for you the night before last then texted us half-an-hour late the next morning to say you were stuck on the M1 driving south, you know you are and in case you\u2019ve forgotten then FUCK YOU AGAIN, SWEETIE!! \u201cZut alors, Pascal! Arretes maintenant!\u201d But I haven\u2019t told them about the other fucking tragedy who did actually turn up in Southend the other night then went out and… \u201cZey are not interested, mon ami! Pas du tout. Ca suffit maintenant.\u201d Well, OK then. I\u2019ll just have to kick Andy\u2019s arse a few times and get it out of my system that way. (So fat he won\u2019t feel it.)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Right, er, golden. Well yes and that\u2019s not too tricky actually because when one door closes and another opens and in walks such a deliciously HOT TRAMP (\u00a9 DB, RIP) as Brittany Bardot then it\u2019s just good to know that your penis is such a thoroughly dependable lady exciter and any hole she wants it in he\u2019s going to be more than happy to tickle and tease and tantalise. Yes, the not-English-at-all-but-Czech-by-way-of-Ireland Ms Bardot happily filled in for one of our aforementioned absentees and did a really sterling job. She shared a couple of very naughty stories with us in her interview (one about picking up a couple of Italians on a flight and taking them back to her place, the other about her boyfriend springing a surprise on her by inviting a load of mates from the gym round to have their way with her); she pissed very merrily into Andy\u2019s bath; and she invited my splendid member all the way into the depths of her three available fuck holes whilst suffering all manner of disdainful treatment from me in the good name of PSS. Yes, friends, I thoroughly enjoyed the wench. Took all, gave fuck-all back. With a face like that (pretty yet filthy-dirty) and a cunt like that (meaty, nasty, just fucking asking for it) it was only ever going to go one way. Proof coming soon. Well worth the wait.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Right. I\u2019ve just typed out a couple of paragraphs bemoaning some of the stupid women who foul up the UK industry by fucking up shoots \u2013 because we\u2019ve had a couple of them in the last fortnight \u2013 but I stopped, held the palm of my hand up in front of me, and said: \u201cNon,… <\/p>\n